Like the topic says, post your red neck jokes here. Let me get it started.

The Department of transportation did a study on auto accidents in the south. To complete it, they installed recording systems in the cars to track what the environment was like. In addition, they recorded what was said. Now, the most often repeated statement made before a crash was, 'dude, hold my beer. This is gonna be a cool trick'.

(bad joke I know, but I am saving the better ones for the second page.)

You might be a redneck if you go to family reunions to pick up chicks.

You might be a redneck when you expend 1000 rounds of .22 calibre pistol ammunition in about 2 hours and then break the firing hammer from over use.

(I have a weird family)

If people knock on your door, asking to hunt in your back yard... you might be a redneck.

If your house has wheels and your car doesn't, you might be a redneck.

If your workin television sits on top of your non-workin television, you might be a redneck.

You know that you are a redneck when you mow the lawn and find a car.

You might be a redneck ...
When your family tree does not branch.
When you have a punch card for the local tatoo parlor.

what do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?

A full set of teeth!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A city slicker's car breaks down, and goes to a nearby rednecks house for help, immediately a dog comes bounding up to him. "Hi" says the slicker to the redneck "does your dog bite?" ."No." replied the redneck. "Ok... anyway, I was..." said the man as he started to pet the dog, no sooner did the dog deliver a vicious bite to his hand, drawing a steady stream of blood. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DIDN'T BITE!" screamed
the city slicker. The redneck turned and said "that ain't my dog."

Billy and Bob go to college to get some ed-oo-cashun. A teacher there at the open house is advertising a class called "Logical" thinking.

Billy: Well now, what's this logic stuff all about?

Teacher: Well, it's when you dirive new information from knowledge you already have. Here, I'll show you an example. Do you own a lawn mower?

Billy: Yup.

Teacher: Well then, I can safely assume you have a lawn then?

Billy: Why, yes, I do.

Teacher: Therefor, I could safely assumes safely assume you own a house?

Billy: I recon that's right!

Teacher: And, since you have an independant house, you likely have a wife?

Billy: She's my half-sister too!

Teacher: Right. And, therefor, I could say that you are hetero ?

Billy: Why, yes you could!

Teacher: See? And I got all that information just by knowing if you own a lawnmower.

Billy: I recon that's amazing! Sign me up!

***Later***

Billy: Hey Bob, I'm taking this new college-class called Logic!

Bob: Now what's all that about?

Billy: Look, I'll show ya. You own a lawnmower?

Bob: Nope.

Billy: *pause* You're a durn homosexual, ayn'cha?

How can you tell a redneck invented the toothbrush?
If a normal person did, it would be called a teethbrush.

Here's a classic from Jeff Foxworthy.
Sophisticated people go to restaraunts that require reservations, rednecks go to restaraunts that require that we drive around to the second window please. "And could you supersize them fries for the little lady? It's our anniversary..."

you just might be a red neck when the instructions to get to your house included turn off the road

you just might be a red neck when your parents divroce and they are still brother and sister

You might be a redneck if...you're writing a novel and suddenly realize you don't need any reference materials and instead know how to properly build, maintain, and fire a pipe rifle with things you find in the trash can.

Originally posted by Scipio
If your workin television sits on top of your non-workin television, you might be a redneck.

I'm a redneck..

You might be a Redneck if your car is hidden in your lawn.
(Very Long Grass)

If you think 'The Nutcracker' is somthin' you did off the high dive... you might be a redneck.

If sombody yells 'Hoedown!' and your girlfriend hits the floor...you might be a redneck.

If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture...you might be a redneck.

If your dog passes gas and you claim it...you might be a redneck.

If you've been married three times and still have the same inlaws...you might be a redneck.

If you've ever been accused of 'lying through your tooth'...you might be a redneck.

You might be a red neck if you morning chores include dumping out the bathroom bucket

think of more later

If you own a home that is mobile and fourteen cars that aren't... you might be a redneck.

If the most common phrase heard in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle!... you might be a redneck.

If your wife has ever said "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"... you might be a redneck.

If your grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold... you might be a redneck.

If your underwear doubles as your bathing suit... you might be a redneck.

If you own a waffle house credit card... you might be a redneck.

If you refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as 'Dual Air Bags'... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction... you might be a redneck.

If you wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't... you might be a redneck.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side... you might be a redneck.

If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart... you might be a redneck.

If you thought the Unabomber was a wrestler... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table... you might be a redneck.

If you think a quarterhorse is that ride in front of K-Mart... you might be a redneck.

If you neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home... you might be a redneck.

If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does a thousand dollars worth of improvements... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever asked the preache, "How's it hangin'?"... you might be a redneck.

If you missed fifth grade graduation because you had jury duty... you might be a redneck.

If you think fast food is hitting a deer at sixty-five miles an hour... you might be a redneck.

If If somebody tells you you have something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said 'Concentrate'... you might be a redneck.

Originally posted by Scipio

If your house has wheels and your car doesn't, you might be a redneck.

Ok, this story needs explaining, before I give this. Our town got a new bank, which happened to be a converted trailer home. One of the other banks posted a full page add in the paper, stating:

"You might be a redneck if your bank has wheels but your car doesn't."

You might be a redneck if you find nothing wrong with putting clothes on dogs and cats. Sorry if that offends anyone.

I might count as a redneck. I enjoy shooting prairie dogs and small rodents with a .22 rifle. I always thought of myself as a nerd though. :smirk:

Maybe I'm like Eyes in the Darkness though.

More later.

Leno did a joke monday night......

"White trash item of the week: The beer belt. Hold your six-pack while ya drink."

Wonder where I could find that picture........

You might be a redneck if you pronounce the word "father" "uncle."